audrey. charmingly tart. needs sugar.

que sera sera.

Nothing like two dreams in one night about scoring a try to get you hyped for game day.

Usually I’m so hyped when we have a game but honestly all I can think about is how much study time I’m missing out on by going to the game tomorrow. We’re leaving at 11, the game isn’t until 3, and we probably won’t be back until around 7, at which point I’ll be too tired to do anything except maybe watch a movie until I go to sleep. Unfortunately, I have to play because we just barely have enough players (it shouldn’t be that difficult to come up with 15 players but apparently it is, ugh) but like I just really really don’t want to.

My thumb is also sprained, which doesn’t really sound like a big deal, but I have a lot of trouble catching the ball because instinctively, I try and protect my thumb from further injury and that results in a lot of dropped balls. I just want to play wing tomorrow because I’ll probably end up not doing a whole lot and I really just don’t feel like playing in general. I’m so tired and so over this season and so over the fact that we have like no one to play and so over the fucking negativity on our team. Everyone just goes into the game thinking, “Oh well fuck, we’re gonna lose anyway so why even try?” And we could totally win so many more games if we just shifted our mindset¬†a little bit. It’s so stressful feeling like no one really cares and no one really has their head in the game and being someone who does really care and is really into it. I just wish I could totally bail on tomorrow but I can’t and I hate that.

We’re planning a scrimmage with another team for next week and like I am 100% planning on ditching after this game tomorrow. Not forever, just for this season. I just need to have time to focus on schoolwork and studying and I just can’t devote more than half my weekend (2-3 hours of practice on Saturday and most, if not the entire, day on Sunday) anymore this semester. I want to have time to hang out with my friends and to study and not feel like my schedule is crammed 100% of the time. I want to have time to breathe, honestly.